January 27, 2015
"Snowmahgedhon 2. Its a wickhed pissah! I'm getting snowed in! Are any stores open today?"
These are a few examples of the dumb things people say and ask every time there is a snowstorm that could potentially drop about 6 inches of snow or more in New England. Usually, you read these mind numbingly annoying posts on Facebook. You know, we all have that friend who still hasn't figured out the Northeast has this funny thing called winter.
Usually, about 72 hours before a snow storm hits, the over paid, inaccurate, bald headed weatherman, who was too dumb to be an astronomer or physicist, and too smart to turn down a job you don't have to do right; gets on TV and gives you a storm model.
Let's use the recent storm, "Juno," for example. Most, if not all of the hippy dippy weathermen (as George Carlin would say) all agreed that this snowstorm would "shatter records." Of course, they were wrong. They flaked. Pun intended.
Sure, the Great City of Woostah (Worcester) got about 31 inches of the white stuff, but for the most part this storm was exaggerated and used to scare the population of hardened New Englanders. Yes. I said it.
The Governor even threatened $500 dollar fines for any travelers who dared to risk using their own vehicle, on the roads they are taxed to build and maintain! However, that's another topic for another time, and I digress.
When I got out of work the other day, around 5:30 pm, the storm was already moving in. I am currently in Rhode Island myself doing storm work to help keep your precious power on. Anyway, per usual, last minute morons were blocking all entrances to the Mobile Gas Station, filling their tanks, buying all the bread, milk, and porno mags. I mean, why on earth would anyone do that on the day they first heard a storm is coming? That would be logical, and I would be wrong if I said people use their brains.
I get back to the Holiday Inn and I turn on the brainwash device (otherwise known as television) and the news is showing all of the cancellations. Of course, people do not have the ability to make their own competent decisions on whether or not they should go to work or send their kids to school, so the government does it for them. Now, back to the news ticker. Do we really need to see every single building in the region that is closed? Wouldn't it make more sense to just say, "everything is fucking closed, drive at your own risk asshole?"
This doesn't happen though because in New England, every snow storm is the first snow storm. New Englanders have funny little patterns like, losing the world series for 100 years, or cheating at football. Just kidding. But really, what gives?
It is the same story every time. People post pictures of the snow, and inform us all it is snowing. That's great. I like pictures too. The point is, when will we ever realize we are in the Northeast, we get Nor'Easters, and our corrupt Governor's do not want you to enjoy your snow day off with a little e-brake sliding or drifting? Come on New Englander's, we can do better than this! I can understand the posts about tornado's on Facebook, or the occasional deflate-gate fuckery because the rest of the country is mad we dominate sports, but its time we realize, when it's winter, it snows!